Let It Go — Autism Style!!

Usually, I don’t post so much in one day (I’m already working on a third post….), but I just came across this link to a young lady on the Autism Spectrum performing Let It Go! with original lyrics specific to Autism. In the description, she states “It also goes out to everyone on the AS spectrum, especially the girls, and especially the girls that weren’t diagnosed until adulthood. This song reflects mostly how I felt growing up.” Can I just say “AMEN!!!!!!” MUCH of this resonates with me!!!!!!! I took the time to type out the lyrics below, and my thoughts are below that.

My computer glows bright in my bedroom tonight
I’m sometimes heard, but rarely seen
A kingdom of isolation
And it looks like I’m the queen
My meltdowns illustrate this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go, stand up straight and tell them more
I don’t care what they’re going to say
Let this girl stim on
The stares never bothered me anyway
Actually, that’s a bit of a lie – please don’t just stare
Ask some questions if you’re curious
It’s funny how support makes ignorance seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
Clear right, clear wrong, many rules for me
‘Cause that’s my “free”
Let it go, let it go, I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go, you’ll sometimes see me cry
Here I stand, and here I’ll stay
Let this girl stim on
My imagination is just limitless it seems
I may have difficulties but that will not stop my dreams
And one thought imprints in my brain at long last
I can forgive myself, the past is in the past
Let it go, let it go, and I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go, my “perfect act” is gone
Here I stand, in the light of day
Let this girl stim on – Autism never bothered me anyway
Actually, sometimes it does, but I think that kinda comes with the territory
But my point is to stand up, and be proud that you’re on the Autism Spectrum

I am one of those girls who was not diagnosed until I was an adult (after my children were diagnosed). I HAD been tested an diagnosed, but the Aspergers studies had not been translated into English yet and so I was diagnosed with ADHD and an Auditory Processing disorder. Not having a clear explanation of why I was the way I was, I felt badly about my temper (which turned out to be meltdowns from overstimulation), my difficulties in school, social problems and other behaviors that were considered to be inappropriate. I also knew that people perceived my behavior to be weird, odd, or inappropriate, and so I spent a great deal of my childhood learning to “pretend” by carefully observing the behavior of others and carefully monitoring my own behavior…to a bit of an obsession (which is why I am so good at pretending)! With the advent of the computer and the internet, for the first time I was able to “socialize” without having overstimulation, meltdowns, atypical behavior, etc get in the way, but even still it has continued to be difficult for me to really open up and let people in. I talk so much and am so honest that most people think that I am really open with them, but the truth is that it is still VERY difficult for me to let people in. I also had a very difficult time (and still do) with getting people to understand what I am trying to communicate. The only times my husband and I have arguments, they are always because I can’t communicate what I want to say and get frustrated, and then he thinks that I am mad and behaving irrationally…..but once we realize that I just can’t communicate what I want to get across, it’s not a big deal. Once I realized that I had Aspergers and not ADHD/APD, it was very freeing because suddenly who I was made sense to me, and I didn’t have to feel badly about being me! Of course I am not defined solely by Autism, but it does explain a lot. And there are parts of Autism that I am proud are apart of me….such as the character it has developed in me, my creativity, my drive and determination, my tenacity and ability to look at a puzzle and see the whole, etc. However, there are still challenges and I am convinced that my kids’ levels of functioning is greatly impacted by their immune functioning, specifically with regards to how their immune systems react to different foods. We, Aspies, are complicated, complex, and sometimes conflicted people, but the support of others makes all the difference and does not ever go unnoticed, even if unmentioned!

So, thank you Sarah-Jill Rush!

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3 responses to “Let It Go — Autism Style!!

  1. RachellieBellie

    LOVE THIS TIMES A KAZILLION!!!

  2. Hey looked for you on facebook and didn’t see you there anymore?? Well we have had a revelation ourselves. Beau has finally decided that he was probably been misdiagnosed with ADHD as well and that he has autism. This is crazy and I’m trying to digest this and understand. I even think Hannah has shown a few signs here and there. The reason I wanted to facebook you was because for the first time in forever we had Chick-fil-a and Hannah was just aweful afterwards! And what really got me concerned was that I saw her do this tick thing with her mouth that she hasn’t done in a really long time either. I don’t know what to think but you are the only person I know that would have reasonable thoughts to share. Thanks Amy!! I will be reading all your posts on autism now!

    • Hey! Yes, I got off Facebook because it was too much “input” but I also couldn’t stop looking at it either! I have a separate account that I use strickly for food stuff. I will find you on there and get you hooked up! ;-)

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