Category Archives: Parenting

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

The start of your journey into motherhood is always an exciting one because the entire journey is before you and full of new beginnings!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

One of the most exciting things about becoming a mother is the realization that YOU have the power to shape your child into the person they will become.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.

As a mother you have so many options before you to weigh and eventually decide which method is right for you, and you will likely find that no one particular philosophy fits you and your child

It’s opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

While finding your own path gives you the freedom to do what works for you and your child, it can also be challenging to go against the norm around you, but if you don’t stew about it, then you will find new confidence when you realize that you really do know what is best for you and your child!

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Those are the exciting moments of motherhood, when things are going right, and you feel like you have it together!

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

But the reason motherhood is such a great adventure is because it is not an easy road. There are many bumps in the road, and there aren’t always signs warning you about the road ahead.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

Some of those bumps will make you feel “left behind” as your friends and their kids move on to the next milestone.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

Un-slumping yourself is not easily done, but it’s also not a good place to stay. Just because it’s not easy, doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

This is the scary part of motherhood. When you realize that you haven’t a clue what to do. When you start weighing choices, wondering what the result will be of different choices.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

It does get confusing trying to find your way again, and it can make you feel panicked to the point that you start to race “down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace,” but eventually other people will force you to slow down because you truly can’t do it all by yourself and you will have to wait on them to make things happen.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

No! That’s not for you! As Mom somehow you will find a way out of the lurch and find those bright places where boom bands are playing once again!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Having come out of the lurch, you have grown stronger from your bumps in the road and are ready to take on new challenges! You’ve figured out how you fit in your relationships both old and new post-bump-in-the-road!

Except when they don’t
Because, sometimes they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.

The truth is though that motherhood is not a journey you can take with friends….motherhood is a journey that you have to take alone because each person’s journey is different.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

And there are definitely things on the journey that will test your courage.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

But, because you are someone’s Mommy, you will face up to your problems whatever they are because your child depends on you.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Keeping your center is the key to surviving those moments. When we loose sight of our center, we can easily become unbalanced or even mix up our right food with our left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

Yes, you will indeed succeed, but I think that along the journey of motherhood your definition of success will change because motherhood teaches you that life is not about what we typically think of as success. It’s about the journey, the heart of the person making that journey, and the lessons learned along the way.

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

 …and from the perspective of your child, you really will move mountains!

So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

No matter who you are, you really are off to great places and today is your day! That mountain is waiting with your name on it, so take courage, and get on your way!

Note: David believes that the research study must be wrong because you can’t buy this kind of entertainment!!! The kinds of things that the kids say and do are just hilarious!!! Of course the research did say that people who have 4 or more children usually ARE happy…probably because they really do just love kids….perhaps we just really do love kids too!

Note #2: David also contends that we should not strive for things that make us happy on a daily basis and instead look for things that add meaning to our lives. Another point perhaps not addressed by the researchers is that many people with 4 or more children are people of faith, so perhaps there is something to that….

Over the past several months, I have seen several articles talking about a recent research study that found having children does not increase your daily happiness, and I understand what they are saying. Raising children is not easy! You start out having to provide for their every need: feed them, change them, bath them, etc. Slowly, they become able to do some things for themselves, but they also begin to make some of their own choices….which are not always good…for example: running through the house with a knife, running out into the street, running off at the playground, breaking glass, riding the blinds like a horse,….do I really need to go on?? Hopefully, with a lot of hard work they begin to make better choices on their own….hopefully….and begin to lead happy and productive lives of their own…..hopefully.

It is definitely a tough job that involves sacrifice…with no guarantee of success. But, doesn’t that also sound like the description of going to graduate school to get your PhD? Or climbing the corporate ladder to get that high management position? Or sinking all you have into your dream business in hopes to make it? Or making your marriage work for 50 years? Or training for years in hopes of one day climbing Mount Everest? There are a myriad of things we can choose to do with our lives and to some extent they all involve: hard work, sacrifice, and no guarantee of success. What it comes down to is what you want to spend your hard work on, what you are willing to sacrifice, and if you want it bad enough to risk failure.

Parenting is a tough job. It means constantly putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own desires and sometimes even your own needs….and often doing it in a sleep deprived state. BUT, it is also the most challenging job I have ever had and that is exciting!! I don’t get paid one red cent for what I do (and don’t even get me started on the doctor bills), but there is nothing like seeing your child’s eyes light up when he or she learns something new for the first time, especially if it is something that doesn’t come easy to your child! I’ve seen that look before when I was working with kids in schools, but there is something really special about taking a lifelong journey with a child. Being a parent won’t fix your marriage (it will probably add more stress), it won’t increase your self-esteem (it will probably make you realize how very little you know), and it probably won’t advance your career. However, being a parent will give you the biggest challenge of your life, it will give you a lot of memories to look back on (and probably laugh about), and it will give you the opportunity for some real personal growth!!!

In the last several years I have heard people proclaim that feng shuing your home will provide a sense of calm and tranquility to all who enter. Others think its a bunch of hogwash. But, no matter how you feel about it, the old adage “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” holds true no matter how feng shui’ed your house may or may not be! Moms, I would like to suggest that the best way to provide a home full of peace and tranquility, especially during the chaotic small children stage, is to start by looking at ourselves instead of our surroundings. Here are 5 things that I try to incorporate in myself to promote peace and tranquility in our home:

1) Be Consistently Calm – Kids LOVE consistency! They might not always seem like it, but it brings them a sense of security to know that they can depend on their parents reacting in a consistent manner no matter what is going on. It doesn’t mean you have to be dull and boring, but sometimes kids actually think that when you look upset about something they did or broke that you are actually upset with them. Consistent consequences are the key to eliminating undesirable behavior, not upping the intensity of your response.

2) Take it Slow – There is no rush. Nothing has to be done in a hurry except of course things that are life threatening (such as taking a knife away from a running toddler, or whacking a choking baby on the back,….you get the idea…..I have an exciting life!) Whatever doesn’t get done today can more times than not wait till tomorrow or didn’t really matter anyway. Don’t feel rushed when attending to the needs of your children. Your calm approach, walking not running, when one of them falls will transfer to your child.

3) Avoid Pressure – Don’t put pressure on yourself or your children to have the house just right, to behave just right all the time,  to be everything to everyone, to do what everyone else is doing, etc. If there is food on the floor when company comes over, it is not the end of the world. You do not have to be everything to everyone….period. And, if your child isn’t following instructions at the same age as the kid next door, that doesn’t make you a bad mommy. All children develop on their own path and at their own rate.

4) Find Ways to Say Yes- Everyone likes to have a place where they can be themselves and relax. Being a kid is tough work. There are so many things you need to learn: how to share, how to sit still, how to be polite, table manners,….the list goes on! By all means have behavioral expectations of your child, but try to find ways to say “Yes!” instead of always saying “No!” This will actually result in less work and less stress for you because you will not constantly be the “Good Behavior Police.”

5) Accentuate the Positive – No one, not even kids, like to always hear about what they are doing wrong. Everyone likes to hear about what they do well. Focus on the positives, and you may not find that you have a need for as much correction!

6) Sometimes Mommy needs a time-out….put the kids in a safe place with some safe toys and take a few minutes to regroup! That is the purpose of time-out. You defuse, and then you go back and try again. Nothing teaches kids (or parents) how to behave better than lots and lots of practice!

And that’s it! Some days are anything but calm and tranquil, but I have found that being Consistently Calm, Taking it Slow, Avoiding Pressure, Finding Ways to Say Yes, Accentuating the Positive, and occasionally taking a time-out does seem to make our home at least a little more calm and tranquil!

This poem used to hang in the pediatrician’s office where I used to go as a child. I have plans to one day print this up nicely or cross-stitch it and hang it on the wall in my hallway to remind me to be loving, patient, kind, etc to my children, even on days I don’t feel like it because how I treat them is how they will learn to treat others. I’ve copied it below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! Unfortunately, I think I will have to wait on getting it up on the wall until another day….off to tackle my to-do list!!!

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn . . .
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight . . .
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive . . .
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself . . .
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy . . .
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilt . . .

BUT

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient . . .
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident . . .
If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative . . .
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love . . .
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is . . .
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice . . .
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those about him . .
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live . .

WITH WHAT IS YOUR CHILD LIVING?

- Dorothy L. Law

We think that as parents, we are defined by our parenting style: baby wearing vs. travel system, disposable vs. cloth diapers, breast-fed vs. formula-fed, stay-at-home vs. working mother, homemade vs. store-bought baby food, time-out vs. spanking, limited vs. unlimited tv, scheduled vs. unscheduled, public vs. private vs. homeschooled, etc. I could go on all day…BUT what truly defines us as parents is whether or not we love our children and let that love guide our actions. You can read all kinds of arguments about why this parenting method is better than that parenting method, but in reality, we will ALL make mistakes. What truly matters is that we love our children and do the best we can to let our love guide our actions. As a child, you can’t ask for better…there are plenty of children out there whose parents do not love them and treat them quite badly. Arguments and posturing over parenting styles and such just serves to build some people up by tearing other people down. Parents are hard enough on themselves without the “help” of others. Perhaps instead it is better to be thankful for parents that love their children.

A few short hours from now, it will be the 9th anniversary of September 11th. I have been a mother for a little over 2 years, but this is the first year I have thought about September 11th from the perspective of a mother (I don’t know why….it just struck me this year for some reason). This year it occurred to me just how very important it is that I teach my children about September 11th.

On September 11, 2001 I was in college and living at home. That particular semester I was taking Elementary Calculus, which was a big review for me since I had taken Calculus in high school. At any rate, I decided to skip class that morning. I was in the shower listening to the radio (I used to like to sing in the shower before I lived in an apartment where the walls were thin as paper!), when an announcement came on about a plane crashing into the World Trade Center. My mom was the only one home at this point, so I yelled down the stairs to tell her what happened. We turned on the TV and watched together as another plane crashed into the Pentagon. Then I had to go to class (because I was not doing well in biology).

The things I remember about that day and the days that followed are the fear for those that were trapped, the sadness for the families that lost loved ones, the tears for all of those hurting, the desire to have those you loved close to you, and the pride in our country and her people. On that day and the days that followed, we put aside trivial matters and focused on the things that mattered most.

The history of the world is blotted with many truly evil deeds: September 11th, Pearl Harbor, the Holocaust,…just to name a few from very recent history. Remembering these events and passing on that remembrance to our children is of up-most importance so that we never forget. You might think it is impossible to forget such dramatic images, but there are those who deny that the holocaust ever happened. When we allow ourselves to forget about the evil in the world, we become oblivious and invite it into our own homes. We must never let our guard down and always stand up for what is right no matter the cost.

You can view some pictures from the Ground Zero Museum at this blog.